We talk about the birds and the bees often enough – it’s about time we joined them. Just turn on Richard Attenborough. All species procreate. Lots.
Except us. In the human world, procreation is frowned upon because (apparently) we have more brains than monkeys and we can control our urges.
Yet just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.
Sex. It is natural, normal, healthy, procreative, stress-busting and the only known treatment for blue balls. It is also great for the hips and forever on the lips.
Yet why is it so demonised?
People – and especially women – who openly enjoy sex are often described as sluts. Yet most out-and-proud sluts I have met tend to be intelligent and/or educated, uninhibited, pleasure-giving, generous people who love to share themselves around. (How admirable when you look at it that way.)
Better still are those free thinkers who call themselves ‘ethical sluts’ – these people actually like and even induce slutty behaviour wherever and whenever possible. They operate under strict sets of rules (such as always check potential partners’ sexual privileges) and are aghast if their actions somehow hurt other women.
Traditionally, female sluts are admired by men and loathed by women, and male sluts are loathed by women and admired by men. (Mars and Venus must be laughing all the way to the Moon.) Yet a change is finally occurring and 20-somethings are beginning to relish just how good a clitoris can make you feel.
They are to be admired – when I was young, we were expected to have less than a handful of lovers and the ‘town bike’ was not something with two wheels. Our parents considered anything showing cleavage or leg was inappropriate and we were expected to snare husbands who were prepared to buy before they tried. (It’s no wonder the divorce rate is 50% and they still have their first cars).
Even Bettina Arndt has got in on the act and rescinded much of her previous advice. Now she advises women to “just do it” and reap the benefits of a happier man. (I wonder what Germaine will say).
Self discovered truths are the most powerful of all, so try it for yourself. If your partner is (relatively) open-minded, offer him a role play where you pretend to be a down-and-dirty whore existing only for his pleasure. Whisper the sluttiest obscenities you can think of in his ear and let him ‘take’ you without complaint. Above all, don’t be offended if he calls you the ‘C’ word or you find yourself feeling like a piece of meat. (When it comes to cocks, you sometimes are).
At the very least, you will learn something about yourselves. He may discover you’re the sexiest thing on two legs and you may learn he’s finally willing to buy you that handbag you’ve always wanted. Whatever the case, you will have shared an adventure together and it didn’t involve much more effort than what you’d expend at the gym.
So next time you see a slut on the street, admire her – because I can guarantee every man within 50 metres already has.
Besides, it might just be the most empowering thing you ever did.
Holly Hill lives by her motto “People have as much right to have sex as they have a right not to have sex”. Her phrase ‘negotiated infidelity’ became a household term after guest appearances on the Larry King Show, 60 Minutes and Dr Phil, but she recently retracted the notion, saying it emasculated men and made women feel insecure. After testing the notion for four years and interviewing hundreds of couples, Holly said any arranged infidelity must be the "exception and not the expectation" and reversed the notion, calling it “negotiated fidelity” instead. It’s all about defining a couple's own unique sexual boundaries for their ongoing relationship and is part of the notion of having unconditional love. Holly’s books Sugarbabe and Toyboy received massive media exposure and she is about to publish the third in the series, The Velvet Pouch.
Copyright 2009 Holly Hill
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