Often with couples the higher desire person is perplexed as to why the lower desire person doesn’t want sex more often, since they clearly enjoy it once they do it.
Similarly, often the lower desire person is confused as to why they find it so hard to have sex when it’s generally not so bad, even brilliant, when they do it.
I point out to them that having sex can often be like getting to the gym – you know it’s good for you, you know you’ll enjoy it while you’re there, you know you’ll feel better for doing it, but…it’s still hard to get there!
There are two reasons why it can be a struggle to get to the gym, or have sex:
-two many competing priorities; and
When you’ve got so much on, and life has become a constant juggling of priorities, it can be hard to set everything aside so that you can focus on sex, without the distraction of all the other things you could be doing.
Couples need to realise that for a lot of people, sex does get like this. It’s not that they don’t like it or don’t want to do it, it’s just hard to create the time and space to do it in. To those people (and it tends to be women) I say, just as if you want to go to the gym, you have to set up supports in your life that allow you to create time and space.
The other reason is simply a habit of laziness. Some people can’t be bothered getting out of their comfort zone, turning off the TV and heading out the door to the gym; or up the stairs to the bedroom.
To those people (and it tends to be men) I say, get off your butt and into the bedroom – before you get too tired to move!
Note: Of course these are just a couple of reasons why people don’t have sex, but it’s common enough to share here. It could be you, or your partner, so understand, and then make the changes!
Copyright 2010 Jacqueline Hellyer
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