One of the absolute keys to good sex is the ability to let go, to surrender to the experience.
I'm going to speak directly to the ladies here, because the women are the ones who have more trouble in this area. Yet it’s actually more important that the woman let go for the couple to be able to reach heightened states of arousal and pleasure.
Essentially what women need to do is allow for self-indulgence.
Now there are some ‘princesses’ out there who are all about self-indulgence: me, me, me. I'm not talking about them. I’m talking about all those women I see in my clinic and at workshops and in the street and in the school playground, etc, who can’t allow themselves to indulge. Especially sexually.
Sex as letting go, opening up, being real, actually requires you to allow for self-indulgence. As a woman it requires you to yield to your partner, to allow him to pleasure you and take you places of delicious wonder and ecstacy.
Men love to pleasure their woman. They love to take their partner to wonderful places. Men tell me over and over and over again how the best thing about sex is giving their partner pleasure, that there’s nothing better than seeing her in the throes of sexual pleasure.
Yet so many women hold themselves back from experiencing this pleasure. So many women hold back from allowing themselves the indulgence of letting him give them that pleasure.
Which is such a shame! Because this is what it takes. This is what Tantra is about. A woman allows her partner to pleasure her, she allows him to be a man, she allows herself to be a woman and surrender to delicious pleasure. The more she lets herself go in this way, the more pleasure there is for her, and therefore the more pleasure there is for him.
This is a completely different approach to the more common, ‘sex as duty’ or ‘sex as stress relief’ or ‘sex as performance’ approaches to sex that we have in society. This is ‘sex as letting go’, ‘sex as indulgence and heightened states of ecstasy’. This is truly good loving.
If as a woman you have trouble letting go to this extent, if you can’t allow yourself this indulgence, ask yourself why. Is it that you have blocks to pleasure? Is it that you have false beliefs about the purpose of sex? Are you buying into false beliefs about the roles of men and women in sex? Do you not really trust your partner enough? Do you not trust yourself enough?
If you do want to open up more to self-indulgence and allow for sexual pleasure, then please come and see me for private sessions, or attend my women’s workshop, Luscious Woman.
We’ll get you indulging again. You deserve it!
Copyright 2011 Jacqueline Hellyer
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