Let’s face it. Guys dig girls and if you’re on Adult Match Maker, chances are you are being inundated with messages from members you suspect are bulk mailing as many profiles as they can get their dirty little fingers on.
Yet never before has it been so easy to sort the wheat from the chaff. At the risk of sounding like my own grandparents, it was much harder ‘when we were young’. Scarcely a few decades or so ago, dating involved waiting beside telephones that never rang, red-faced invitations to movies and sitting with people you loathed just out of politeness.
Now, with the right questions and the ability to type, you can discover blokes on your wavelength without ever leaving your living room.
First, consider your profile to be your ‘reception area’. Is it cluttered? Does it clearly show the ‘company policy’? Is it a realistic portrayal of you?One of the most common complaints about online dating is misrepresentation. The photo taken at the glamour studio five years ago (when you were thin) might look better than the ones you have now, but from the minute they see you, ‘liar’ will be written all over your face (and love handles). Instead, choose an ‘average’ picture of yourself – that way, if you ever do meet in person (and you’re looking your best!) you are going to give them a pleasant surprise. A less flattering photo will also sort out those people for whom looks are everything and are quite likely to be shallow anyway.
Second, be specific about what you want. Whilst I definitely wouldn’t reveal your desire for ten children just yet, it certainly wouldn’t hurt to say that you want to meet a like-minded individual with an interest in road-tests. (Most blokes love a road test and would never commit without one.)Consider your ‘ideal partner’ as a recipe for your perfect man – if you don’t list all the ingredients, the end result will never meet your expectations.
Third, use email to your best advantage. Sort out your mandatory requirements from your optional ones and ask your respondents whether they possess your desired traits. For example, ‘are you funny?’ If their response sounds like an excerpt from your best friend’s funeral, you know they are not the man for you. By doing your research in front of the computer and not on a first date, you are not only saving time (and money); you also save face if you are hopelessly incompatible.
Next, consider creating your own little personality test. Set yourself a ten question maximum and make it tongue-in-cheek. Most people love doing multiple choice and you can artfully hide your desired answers amongst absurd or funny ones. For example:
“How do you MOSTLY spend weeknights?”
Not only will their responses be informative, their reaction to being ‘tested’ will also indicate how keen they are to please you…
Lastly, don’t go the whole hog on the first date. A ‘coffee after work’ enables you both to make polite excuses about dinner commitments elsewhere, or if you get along like a house on fire, you’ve got the entire evening to do whatever you like. It also avoids the whole, ‘whatever will I wear?’ issue because you’ll be in everyday clothes that portray the real you rather than the person that requires three hours of concrete rendering and a whole new outfit.
Never has there been a better time to find the man of your dreams – just make sure he’s in sharp focus first!
Holly Hill lives by her motto “People have as much right to have sex as they have a right not to have sex”. Her phrase ‘negotiated infidelity’ became a household term after guest appearances on the Larry King Show, 60 Minutes and Dr Phil, but she recently retracted the notion, saying it emasculated men and made women feel insecure. After testing the notion for four years and interviewing hundreds of couples, Holly said any arranged infidelity must be the "exception and not the expectation" and reversed the notion, calling it “negotiated fidelity” instead. It’s all about defining a couple's own unique sexual boundaries for their ongoing relationship and is part of the notion of having unconditional love. Holly’s books Sugarbabe and Toyboy received massive media exposure and she is about to publish the third in the series, The Velvet Pouch.
Copyright 2009 Holly Hill
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