How to Filter for Perfect Playmates

Below is a process you can use for filtering out ideal playmates. A bit clinical I know, but when there are a lot of people out there, it’s good to have a way of determining who the ideal ones are! This is a slightly modified chapter taken from "The Ultimate Swingers Guide" – everything you need to know about swinging in one book! Use this to start with and then just modify it to suit yourselves:

Their Profile

Check out their profile to see if it matches your ideal criteria. Does the blurb about them and their ideal partners read well? Is there plenty of information, spelling and is the grammar mostly good? Does it have a photo? If there are no photos we don’t even bother. If they have winked you without a photo you can reply asking for a photo first before progressing to the next part. Once you’re happy with the potential in the profile and they look “hot”, “cute” or “DAMN SEXY!” see how they go in conversation.

Ability to Converse

The criterion here is “can they carry on a decent conversation?” Single word answers and one of you driving the conversation by asking all the questions does not equate to a “conversation” in my mind.

Most online dating sites have a messaging system or chat room so you can chat there in the first instance. If they have a really “hot” profile, you might just give them your chat program (ie: MSN) address straight up, but otherwise we look for the type of conversation we’d like to have in person. Also remember that some people really are just shy to start with so give them a chance to relax.

Chat on the Phone

This is a good way to confirm they are serious, if they aren’t they’ll avoid talking to you. Again we look for an ability to chat easily; does the conversation flow? Are they contributing to the conversation or are we the ones driving it? I like to talk to people who have enough to say so that there are no long silences. There is nothing worse than struggling to have a conversation and if we can’t talk on the phone, chances are we can’t do it in person and who wants that awkwardness?

Sometimes the sound of the voice can help make the decision to meet too. I’ve talked to a few people who have great voices on the phone, but then I am a fairly auditory person so that can work for me.


Well if we’ve got this far, great, but this is often the make or break criterion!

If they’re the single guys, it’s best to meet them for a coffee in the middle of the day and somewhere public and neutral. If they try to push for a “walk in the park” or somewhere private, forget it (unless you want to have sex with them that is)! When I say “meet’” it’s not code for “sex” but be aware that if you’re screening the single guys, sometimes everything is code for sex!

For couples we normally meet them together but then sometimes I’ve met one half on my own too. If I like them then I arrange a time to meet us both. If we’re able to meet them together, it’s usually somewhere public and neutral again… although we have had people we were really comfortable with just come to our house; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Other people do a web cam session to make sure you are real; just do whatever will work for you!

If the meeting goes well in that we can chat easily and there is some sort of physical attraction, playtime is possible. If not, just tell them so and move on.


Woohoo! If we have gone through all of that, met them to find someone we really like and they like us (always important), then it’s playtime! Prearranged usually but spontaneous works too!

This is just how we do it, now you have to decide how you want to do it, keeping in mind that there are times that there are exceptions to the rule. The key is being flexible but knowing what is important to you at each point that lets you know that it’s ok to keep moving forward.

Copyright © 2009 Chantelle Austin International
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