Whoa, isn’t that blasphemy, coming from a Sex Coach? Sleep is better than sex?!
No, I’m not about to ‘fess up and declare that I don’t practice what I preach, that I actually prefer curling up in bed with a good book and a box of Tim Tams. (Although sometimes I do.) My point is that for very many people, myself included, without enough sleep you don’t feel like sex.
Time after time I get exhausted people coming to me wondering what’s wrong with them, why they don’t have any desire for sex. The answer is pretty simple – you’re too tired. Exhausted, flat, overwhelmed, worn out, drained… None of these states are conducive to a raging libido.
Like anything in life, the better the state you’re in, the better you’ll perform. This applies whether we’re talking about work, sport or play (including sex).
We modern urban Westerners are a pretty overloaded bunch, way too hyped up and with far too much to do. If you’re going for it all day long, then chances are you’re not going to be up for much once you hit the sack. Sex will feel like just one more thing to ‘do’ and sleep will beckon, oh so invitingly.
We’re also chronically lacking in sleep. Plenty of studies show that we’re not getting enough sleep and that this is impacting on our quality of life, from overweight to accidents to poor performance, and in my area of speciality, low libido.
[Note: If you’re someone who has an unflagging libido, who’s up for it no matter what your state, then obviously this doesn’t apply to you, at least, not at the moment. But it might apply to your partner, so it’s important that you understand this.]
So prioritise sleep, that’s essential! But that doesn’t mean putting off sex until you’ve caught up on sleep, or until you feel 100% - that may never happen. You can use sex to help rejuvenate yourself. It depends on the type of sex you’re having, and what you do in the lead up to it. Make connection and chilling-out together part of your daily unwind. Even better, do it in the bedroom – hang out on your bed together, having a cup of tea and a chat, and you’re much more likely to find you’re transitioning into some gentle, gorgeous love-making. That will make you feel happier, more relaxed - and help you sleep better! A win all round.
This sets up a positive feedback loop: you’ll feel better, more connected, more loved and loving, you’ll sleep better so you’ll feel more energised and life will take on a rosy glow!
So don’t try and force desire, set yourself up so that you’re open to allowing desire to rise. Rest, relax, chill out together and let the desire flow…
Copyright 2011 Jacqueline Hellyer
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